The 20 Best Things That Happened in 2015

2015 was full of terrible people (ISIS, the Planned Parenthood shooter, the kid from UConn who was refused mac and cheese) with terrible agendas. But was it void of greatness? Absolutely not. Here are 20 reasons why 2015 was actually a tremendous year. And I’m not talking about bullshit videos of cops getting into dance contests and squirrels parachuting. These are actual great things.

20. Nancy Grace suffers her worst debate beatdown…by 2 Chainz!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e25in2BNo48

In yet another debate over an issue that nobody still cares about, Nancy Grace was obliterated by the guy whose previous high point was the lyric – “They say room service. Gimme one minute, she gettin’ a womb service.”

19. Star Wars

Cool bros waiting for their movie.
Cool bros waiting for their movie.

JJ Abrams had a ton of pressure going into this movie. Nerds followed his every move. Yes, these were the same nerds who conveniently forgot that the Star Wars franchise has had about two-and-a-half good movies out of six. Nonetheless, Abrams was expected to please both nine year-old boys and 44 year-old fanboys looking to revisit their youths before puberty relegated them to weirdo status. And JJ delivered. The Force Awakens was thoroughly entertaining and a real event.

18. Iceland makes blasphemy legal.

Jesus, that's a beautiful picture.
Jesus, that’s a beautiful picture.

You’re goddamned right they did!

17. Steve Harvey is a dope.

Whoops.
Whoops.

People can debate whether or not the whole Miss Universe thing was staged. But the authenticity of the pageant’s results is not what makes it great. In the middle of the confusion, Steve Harvey says the funniest line of his career and it was not remotely intentional. At the 5:03 mark, Harvey pleaded with the audience. “Please don’t hold it against the ladies.” Thanks, Steve. For a minute I thought Miss Colombia and Miss Philippines were to blame for this commotion and was about to throw broken bottles at the stage. Then I was going to follow them both around for the rest of their lives and loudly boo them in public. Thanks to your quick wit, you were able to clarify that it is not the fault of the two women standing silently in their evening gowns and sashes. We all really dodged a bullet there.

16. Adnan’s murder is the gift that keeps on giving.

America's next great pastime - carefully studying potentially murderous weirdos.
America’s next great pastime – carefully studying potentially murderous weirdos.

Due to the success of Serial, tv networks have been dying to capitalize on the true crime documentary series success. HBO put out The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst. Once viewers were able to look past the creepy facial hair of documentarian Andrew Jarecki, The Jinx was a fascinating look at the insanely wealthy yet shady Robert Durst. The final episode culminated in a mind-blowing confession.

Later in the year, Netflix threw it’s hat in the ring with Making A Murderer – a show about a slow adult who may have been framed for murder in Wisconsin. While death is always terrible, at least it’s providing some compelling television.

15. Ben Carson has a majestic picture of himself and Jesus hanging in his home.

"Last one to the steam room is a rotten egg!"
“Last one to the steam room is a rotten egg!”

“Hey Ben, why don’t you slip into something a little more comfortable? Come join me in the steam room. I can give you a nice back massage with my insanely muscular right hand. If you just close your eyes, you will begin to forget about my tiny, Chris Bosh-sized head.”

14. Eddie Murphy finally told a joke.

For people of a certain age, Eddie Murphy was the comedic gold standard. Then he stopped being funny. He quit standup, made tons of terrible kids movies, and appeared super-affected in every interview. At the SNL 40 special, Chris Rock gave Murphy the intro to end all intros, Eddie took the stage…and did absolutely nothing. Most of the next day’s water cooler talk was about how Eddie didn’t have it anymore. A couple months later, when being presented with the Mark Twain prize at the Kennedy Center, Eddie broke the streak and told his first joke at the expense of alleged serial rapist Bill Cosby. Welcome back.

13. Washington DC is turning poop into power.

Poop. Glorious poop.
Poop. Glorious poop.

The biggest challenge in moving away from fossil fuels is finding new energy sources. Our nation’s capital found a source that is never ending – our need to relieve ourselves. The new treatment plant which turns solid waste into energy will both save money and put waste to work. Suddenly, having a Taco Bell in the neighborhood is an asset.

12. Mad. Max.

Uh oh, both genders are being represented. Time to panic!
Uh oh, both genders are being represented. Time to panic!

Mad Max: Fury Road was one of the rare movies with no downtime. There was no boring scene. There was no needless exposition. The movie was just start-to-finish action. Hopefully this teaches future directors that it’s ok to sometimes skip the boring backstories and forced romantic subplots. For the cherry on top, the movie made a bunch of guys angry because one of the action stars was a woman. Welcome to the year 1979, gentlemen!

11. A’s pitcher, Sean Doolittle, hosts Thanksgiving dinner for 17 Syrian refugee families.

Sean Doolittle, a true American.
Sean Doolittle, a true American.

Much like the Ebola scare, SARS, and Bird Flu, Syrian refugees have become an insane fear mongering target. Despite the fact that there is really no evidence to prove Syrian refugees are any more of a risk to Americans than Americans themselves, people have gone out of their way to turn their backs on people looking to escape persecution and seek freedom. (You know, kind of like the way everyone’s family came to America?) Well, the Oakland A’s closer represented the best of what America has to offer and generously showed love on our country’s greatest holiday.

10. Julianne Moore killed it on Billy on the Street.

Julianne Moore is a national treasure.

9. Bill Cosby finally faced the music.

Monster.
Monster.

2015 has not been a good one for Cliff Huxtable. Ever since mid-2014, the old comedian has been accused of rape by dozens of women. But the problem with nearly every accusation is that it happened well beyond the statute of limitations. Luckily, at least one of these cases happened just under 12 years ago in Pennsylvania. Yesterday, Cosby was arrested and formally charged. It doesn’t right all his wrongs but satisfying to know he doesn’t get away with everything. Maybe that Fat Albert voice can get you an extra serving of baked beans as you live out your twilight years in the pokey, Bill.

8. The Paris climate agreement is the most positive news item for the environment in our lifetime.

Finally.
Finally.

I think we can all agree that the planet is mostly fucked in the long term. But, for generations, we viewed earth as someone else’s problem. And, let’s face it, if something is going to inconvenience your great-great grandson/daughter, you can pretend you care but you really don’t. Now, problems with the planet could be a major problem for our kids – which is a problem because we sort-of care about our kids. Governments across the globe banded together and have resolved to focus on renewable energy. Now we have something to bring up when we need someone to change our diapers in 50 years. “Remember that time when we saved the planet? Good. Now help me change this #2”

7. TV is still great.

Big Time
Big Time

Thanks to Netflix and countless cable channels, there are a ton of directions to turn for great TV. From the Mad Men finale to the “Shame” episode of Game of Thrones to season two of Fargo, You’re the Worst, and Broad City, television in 2015 is better than ever. But, if you’re looking for a great new show, look no further than Big Time in Hollywood, FL. Come for the coked-out-of-his-mind Cuba Gooding, Jr. Stay for the Steven Tobolowsky.

6. University of Missouri football players use their status to bring meaningful change.

Athletes taking a stand.
Athletes taking a stand.

For months, black students had complained of multiple racial incidents around campus. The administration chose to do nothing about it. Realizing that the only meaningful change is getting the football team involved, players on the team were approached to join the movement. On Saturday, November 7th, black members of the team announced they would not play another game unless there were changes in the administration. By Tuesday, the 10th, the school’s president stepped down and the chancellor announced he will transition to a new role.

Schools everywhere have no problem profiting left and right on the athletes. Schools are also always quick to remind the athletes that they’re not employees. It’s about time that the athletes get to push back.

5. RJ Hunter hits a game-winner for Georgia State in the NCAA Tournament.

Ron Hunter tore his achilles tendon while celebrating his team’s Sun Belt conference championship the previous week. In the first round of the NCAA tournament (or whatever they call the round of 64), Ron was forced to coach his 14-seeded team from a stool against Baylor, the 3-seed. When Ron’s son, RJ, hit the game winner Ron fell out of his chair and shady coach Scott Drew was sent home with a bitter loss.

4. David Letterman got the sendoff he deserved.

In the weeks leading up to David Letterman’s final show in May, the tributes poured in. Jimmy Kimmel gave a heartfelt tribute to Dave in his monologue. Norm MacDonald choked up in his final Late Show appearance. Every star imaginable was tripping over themselves to get on the show before he signed off. In the final episode, Dave gave a poignant-yet-not-sappy farewell and the Foo Fighters played while a montage of 35 years of incredible clips played.

It’s sad that there no longer will be a late night host that is both hilarious and unconcerned with kissing up to his guests. But it was tremendous to see the greatest ever talk show host get his due. Farewell, Dave.

3. We got to witness the Pharma Bro do the perp walk.

Human garbage in cuffs.
Human garbage in cuffs.

In August Martin Shkreli announced his company was hiking the price of a drug used by AIDS patients by 5500%. Due to expired patents and a complete lack of compassion, the “Pharma Bro” shrugged and reminded everyone it is all legal. In December, we learned that Shkreli was the sole owner of the only copy of Wu Tang’s $2 million album “Once Upon a Time in Shaolin.” But then, just when we were resigned to the fact that this shitbird was forever going to be a nuisance in our lives, Shkreli was arrested for securities fraud. After a rough year, Pharma Bro’s arrest was a solid bit of news as we entered the holiday season.

2. The Obergefell vs. Hodges decision.

Love wins.
Love wins.

The Supreme Court ruled that all states are required to recognize same sex marriages. This was both terrific and sad news. Terrific in that love wins. Sad in that same sex marriages weren’t a universal thing in America as recently as seven months ago.

1. “Benjamin Franklin is killin’ the game!”

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DnHduGJddq0

This guy.