Several candidates for the “Worst Parts of the Best Movies” list were offered. Thanks for all that submitted. Here are the best of the batch.

 

 

Dan offers up Barbara Hershey in Hoosiers:

The biggest downer ever is Barbara Hershey in Hoosiers. First she wants perhaps the greatest shooter of all time to try for a math scholarship then she threatens to expose coach for punching a kid. Every minute she’s on screen makes me wish Norman Dale punched her instead of that kid.

Ed: Hershey’s omission on the list is an unforgivable one. She truly was awful. Her reasons for keeping Chitwood away from basketball were flimsy at best. Her kiss with Coach Dale was one of the grossest of all time. Living in a town with her is probably what drove Shooter to drink.

Brian: I’ll probably be ostracized for this, but I’ve never seen Hoosiers. I’m sure Barbara Hershey sucks though.

 

Bennie Blanco takes issue with a scene from Tombstone:

The horseback riding scene with Wyatt Earp and the stage actress played by Dana Delany was terrible; but Wyatt and the same lady dancing in the snow while the credits rolled was a horrifically terrible ending to a very enjoyable movie.

 

 

Ed: It would’ve been less painful to see Wyatt Earp gunned down in a hail of bullets than watching that atrocious dance scene with Josephine. When did Tombstone become Footloose? Also, who dances without music? Why is nobody staring at them? Are we supposed to believe people back then waltzed to no music during snowstorms? Good job by narrator Robert Mitchum pronouncing Los Angeles “Los Ang-el-lease” though.

Brian: “You called down the thunder. Well, now you‘ve got it!”  Sure, the dancing was curious to say the least, but let’s not lose sight of the bigger problem at hand here. Namely, why was Wyatt Earp chasing Josephine Marcus (portrayed by Dana Delany [b. 1956]), and forsaking Mattie Earp (portrayed by Dana Wheeler-Nicholson [b. 1960])? I think we can all agree that Mattie was hotter, not to mention wealthy as shit from the controlling interest in Boyd Aviation that her husband Alan Stanwyk tried to steal from her in Fletch. The point is this: Hollywood needs to stop trying to have us believe that dudes leave their wives for less hot chicks. It’s called “trading up.” Michael Douglas is not stepping out on Anne Archer with Glenn Close, and Scott Howard isn’t turning down a session with Pamela Wells for hoops in the driveway with Boof.

 

 

Bennie Blanco also brings up Days of Thunder:

While Days of Thunder had it’s own wet blanket of Nicole Kidman and features a scene where Cole and Roddy destroy rental cars on the beach for no real reason, nothing can top the terribleness of the film-ending running scene between Cole and Harry. The still shot of their creepy grins while they run is truly special.

Ed: Days of Thunder? Days of Thunder? This list is for bad scenes or people in great movies. Not bad scenes in bad Tom “I Run Really Weird” Cruise movies. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NJdMDvjfyQ0 Benny, I’m a little worried.

Brian: I’ve seen Days of Thunder (I think?), but I can’t say I remember the details. I’m pretty sure that’s the one where Tom Cruise (COLE TRICKLE) contracted Nicole Kidman to be his fake wife for exactly ten years fell in love with Nicole Kidman, which is kinda fun.

 

Shannon has one addition for Star Wars:

How about storm troopers’ armor? what good did that ever do any of them? Every hit, and they are down. Even against the Ewoks and their rocks.

Ed: It’s hard to believe the Empire was really trying. On one hand, they had the firepower to effortlessly blow up planets like Alderaan. On the other, they go down to Hoth and Endor with poorly-outfitted Stormtroopers to engage in land war. The only weaker nemesis from our lifetime is Glass Joe. http://s3.amazonaws.com/rapgenius/joe3.gif

Brian: I’ll be honest, I thought the stormtroopers were robots until like five years ago. It never occurred to me that those were dudes in suits. I’m not that smart.

 

Seth notes an especially bad part of Beverly Hills Cop:

I love when axel throws one of victor’s goons on the buffet table. If you pause it at the right spot Eddie Murphy becomes a huge dude with an Afro and a mustache.

Ed: Wow!

Brian: Double wow.

 

Finally, one last submission for the “who needs public shaming” list from Alex:

A dude at the library I’m chilling at just hit one of those damn-near digital, vaporizers. What do you think about that? Fucking gross.

Ed: Yes, technology can go too far. Digital vaporizers and E-cigs are sad on so many levels. First of all, is there any doubt that E-cigs will be the subject of a scathing 60 Minutes investigation in the next year? None, right? Say what you want about tobacco but at least part of it comes from the earth. Inhaling nothing but chemicals seems like a bad, bad decision – like Jerry-Lewis-playing-a-clown-in-a-concentration-camp bad decision.

Second, is there anything less cool than a product endorsed by Steven Dorf? Think of how many rejections Blu had to get before settling on the third guy on the call list from a 1998 Wesley Snipes vampire movie.

Finally, nothing says “I have no self-control” more than the E-cig. If you can’t handle a trip to the library without becoming a major distraction, you’re probably horribly insecure. Sorry mom never said “I love you” at bedtime, chief.

And, Alex, please expand on this “library” you speak of? Are you referring to the place where homeless guys masturbate?

Brian: I don’t think there’s anyone that needs more shame than E-Cig Guy. When did it become acceptable to walk around in public with your lips wrapped around a big chrome dick?