Bone and Home, Ireland to Utah
This week is all about figuring out who fits you best, figuratively and literally, as we have the final two back-to-back overnight dates with Ben H. and Shawn B. and the elimination of one of the remaining three guys. Followed by the hyper-awkward meet the family dates where you get a clearer picture of just what you’re buying into.
Ben gets the first date. He going for a ‘young republican’ look in his wool sweater and khakis, strolling through the country-side with Kait. These two couldn’t be a worse match objectively, but I still think he’s a better pick than the other two.
It’s also pretty obvious the sexual chemistry between Kait and Ben isn’t as strong as with the other guys. Ben needs to kiss her like he means it.
There’s his and hers sweaters, horseback riding and donkeys and more sweaters – all the things you need on a date leading to sex.
Later Ben reveals he just turned 26!!! And hopes their age difference doesn’t matter to her. Four years is a lot after all. Kait the cradle robber is totally cool with it though.
They retire to their daggy castle suite to get it on. I can already feel Kaitlyn’s disappointment. This is a girl who knows what she wants in the bedroom and I can tell you right now, she’s too much for ultra-nice Ben.
Back from the break, it’s morning and they’re saying goodbye at her door. Kaitlyn reveals they had a lot of fun last night and she only got half an hour of sleep. At least she gave Ben the rumor, she’s a good sport.
Despite the lack of sleep, she pulls it together to meet Shawn and his perfect helmet of hair for their date, a spot of golf. I feel like Shawn really studies David Beckham and his look and tries hard to recreate it, with an uncool, east coast vibe. He’s a bit of a meathead, let’s be honest.
A lot of balls go in the water. Foreshadowing?
Later they play truth or dare and Shawn takes the dare, to putt naked then run across the green. This is the perfect scenario for Shawn, he gets to show off his body that he’s clearly very into and the results that all that protein powder have helped him achieve.
At dinner they talk about how they had soooooo much fun that day. I mean couples golf is okay.
Then the Debbie Downer moment, Kait brings up Nick and Shawn’s dislike of him. She really wants to know more. More than the fact that Nick is his biggest threat and has banged her on at least 2 occasions already and Shawn hasn’t?
Shawn reveals to Kait he has talked to Nick and that he thinks he’s an asshole. Big revelation.
Kaitlyn brings up the whole “Eskimo brothers” thing and Shawn dodges it by calling Nick a terrible person, manipulative and a liar. He’s mad that Nick broke the guy code here but honestly, you’re pretty stupid to give Nick any info like that, which he could use against you.
Kait wants to know if Shawn’s a player. Does he have other “Eskimo brothers” out there? How many?
Shawn’s not losing sleep over Nick though, if Kait picks Nick he says they were never meant to be because they’re two opposite guys. This kind of logic is great and all but seriously, you don’t have any exes that don’t really match your ideal person now? Unless you’re really simple, people are attracted to all kinds of people. This is another reason relationships are so scary.
Kait pulls out the overnight card and Shawn’s ready. What he doesn’t know is that he’s getting sloppy thirds. As with Ben’s overnight we are spared any gross moans and heavy breathing like we were privy to with Nick and Kait’s hookup. Thank god.
Cut to the next morning and Shawn leaving Kaitlyn’s room with no romantic lingering and who does he run into as soon as he walks outside? You guessed it, Nick, who wants an audience with Shawn. He’s had all night to come up with some good stuff to make him look like the hero when it’s played back on TV. Nick is smarter than Shawn and this isn’t his first rodeo.
Shawn’s just sprayed his territory, letting Nick know that he’s just spent a whole day and night with Kaitlyn, and is more annoyed by Nick’s presence than ever. Nick seems a little intimidated by Shawn’s physicality and threats. This is very Nature Channel.
Cut to Kait and Chris Harrison having a father-daughter chat and Harrison plants the seed that maybe Shawn is not just jealous in this situation, but that it’s part of his character. Something to think about, girl.
Kait talks about the feud between Shawn and Nick and how it’s affecting her feelings for them both. No woman wants to see two guys fighting like high school girls.
At the rose ceremony Harrison tell Kaitlyn that she is about to make one of the hardest decisions of her life. This seems like a stretch.
Gratuitous chest pan.
Nick gets the first rose, kind of a burn to Shawn who is picked second and Ben goes home but probably gets to be the next Bachelor.
Ben has composure and takes his loss like a man, even though he really thought they could’ve had something great. Maybe he can get on Bachelor in Paradise if it’s not too late?
Kaitlyn says the only thing getting her through this now is that she really believes she’s in love. This is where the Bachelor or Bachelorette needs to be deft at being duplicitous and leading on the person they already know they’re not choosing.
She cheers with Nick and Shawn then leaves them alone in the ballroom together where they finish their champagne in silence, pacing the room while not looking at or speaking a word to each other. Pretty awkward.
Back in the States and now we’re in Utah? Apparently the show’s budget doesn’t allow for actual hometown dates so the families are flown into Utah to meet Kaitlyn.
If I were Kaitlyn I would be kind of pissed that I didn’t get to go to these people’s actual hometowns and check out their homes to see what level of sad the decor is at. This is stuff you need to know about your future in-laws, you can’t make an informed decision otherwise. Remember Clare Crawley’s mom’s house? No thanks.
Kait meets up with Nick and he says a bunch of douchey stuff to her and tells her how in love he is with her through some fake tears. I can’t believe she doesn’t have the cringe yet.
Inside the big Park City hotel is Nick’s entire family – all 27 of his siblings who range in age from like 45 to 9.
Nick’s mom is already crying over her midday chardonnay which triggers his little sister’s crying. They are really worried about Nick’s feelings being hurt again.
Enter Kait and Nick and their special sparkle. They reassure everyone that what they have is real and special with some dancing and more white wine.
Nick’s older, more protective sister says that basically this is “either the best decision or the worst decision” Nick has ever made to go back on the show after his disastrous prior turn. I’m just going to say worst.
Lots of awkward convos ensue with various family members culminating with Nick’s mom basically saying she likes Kaitlyn better than Andi. Buuuuuuuurn.
Nick tells his mom that he is confident and he’s 99% sure that Kaitlyn loves him. She looks like she’s going to have another nervous breakdown at this point.
Nick then cries telling his mom how Kaitlyn brings out his goofy side. “Goofy” is one of my least favorite terms and “goofy” people are super annoying.
Back in Kait’s hotel room, where she chases her Chardonnay with brown liquor on the rocks, she and Nick kiss and whisper to each other on the couch and Nick tells Kaitlyn he loves her to which she answers, “promise?”
Nick tops it with, “we should make babies someday,” to which Kaitlyn bursts out laughing. He’s such a chick.
Skip to the same hotel for the “hometown” with Shawn’s people. This is very awkward, what if the families meet at the breakfast buffet and get to talking?!
Shawn needs to stop referring to Kaitlyn as his “wife.” It’s a bit much. He also jokingly calls her “toots” which would be a deal breaker for me. Shawn has a dad vibe though.
Shawn shows his immaturity when he says that Kaitlyn has to get along with his family and if they don’t it wouldn’t work. People like this bother me, is your whole family dating or marrying her? No, just you are, so you should be happy with your choice.
Shawn’s mom “couldn’t make it” but he describes his sisters as “like moms to me.” Sort of a red flag.
Kaitlyn explains her initial attraction to Shawn and how strong it was. Everyone becomes concerned that this might just be a relationship built on mutual attraction. They might be right.
Shawn’s sister, Jessie, describes Kaitlyn as “very spunky.”
His dad cuts straight to the chase and opens with, “So what the hell is going on?” Shawn and his dad have on almost identical shirts, which is a little weird.
After the meet and greet with the family, Shawn spills the beans to Kaitlyn and tells her that he is in love with her and I feel like from the way she’s looking at him that she is also feeling it. Either that or she’s a good actor.
Shawn admits he’s a little disappointed that Kaitlyn didn’t say “I love you” back to him but that he truly believes she does love him.
The episode ends with Kait crying about how well the day went. This seems like a bad sign to me, like she is having pre-guilt about not picking him, but the show has been known to try and throw the viewer off the right track before.
NICK VS SHAWN 2105, place your bets.