Olivia’s big mouth and the two Laces.

Week one gets off to a strong start with some front runners breaking away from the pack. We learn that one of the twins thinks that “Ben is the greatest bachelor on the planet of history,” and JoJo announces that “If you had a list, he checks off every single list.” 

The biggest news though, is we find out there are actually two Laces. Lace tells us that that actually wasn’t her on the first night, it was the “other” Lace.

Newsflash: Ben is into being fun and goofy and that really shows on the first horrendous group date, the back to high school challenge, complete with plenty of really dumb sexual innuendos in the chemistry class portion and the bobbing for apples portions where we find out “Jackie’s not great with her mouth, unfortunately.”

JoJo and Becca, two of the hottest girls pair up to fail the U.S. geography test. Are we shocked?

What is Mandi wearing??

The winner of this date is crowned “Homecoming Queen,” which is apparently all of these girls’ dream. But there can only be one queen and today it’s Mandi. This will be her high point on the show, as well as in life.

Cut to the group date cocktail party that night, where true colors shine. Becca comes with her A game and a very tight, short dress. Don’t be fooled by Becca’s chill, easy-going, stoner demeanour, she’s in it to win it.

 

Tall person Jennifer and Ben kiss during their alone time and Lace (we’re not sure which one this is), loses her shit when she finds out. Lace says she’s upset that Ben got a different Lace on the first night. I think she means drunk Lace.

Meanwhile, back at the mansion, the one-on-one date card arrives and we get to see just how wide Olivia can open that trap of hers. Everyone simultaneously pauses their TVs in shock and awe.

Back to the group date where Lace and Ben are almost “eye fucking,” according to her. No kiss though because he’s actually terrified of her, and rightly so. Lace loses her shit again when Jubilee cuts in on her with Ben, saying “fuck these bitches” and complaining to the group about not getting any time with Ben.

I’m a little scared of Jubes too. She and Ben also kiss.

Lace interrupts Ben and someone with the line “I’m not crazy I just need some more time.” It’s never a good idea to refer to yourself as crazy multiple times to someone you’re trying to convince that you’re not crazy.

Everyone hates Lace because she sucks. 

JoJo and Ben go up to the roof where Ben tells JoJo he’s feeeeeeeeeling her and they have the most romantic kiss of the date and she emerges as the one to beat.

Ben tells JoJo “thank you for sharing with me,” which I think we can all agree on is the lamest line as we all cringe in unison, then gives her the group date rose.

Jubilee is suicidal when she finds out.

Lace is close to a psychotic break.

Back at the mansion it’s revealed Caila has the first one-on-one date that also includes some corny cross-promotion for the movie Ride Along 2 and Ban and Caila are joined by Ice Cube and teeny weeny Kevin Hart.

 

Ben is, of course, a huge Kevin Hart fan, shocker. He also announces that “Ice Cube has done everything from acting to rap.” There’s no way Ben could recite even one line of “Givin’ up the nappy Dugout,” sorry.

Cut to a depressing scene with Amanda Facetiming the kids she’s abandoned. 

One of the twins has a French tip manicure which should mean immediate disqualification.

We’re already finding out that what Ben has in good looks is not matched in personality. 

On their date, Ben and Caila get to know each other whilst their food sits in front of them, getting cold. This drives me insane.

Later we find out that Ben also has bad taste in music when his favorite musician, no clue who this dude is and too lazy to Google it, shows up to play the standard private show trope for the couple. Ben sings along. At the end of the date there’s kissing. Caila is in the running.

On the next group date to a “love clinic” we learn which of the girls present have physical chemistry with Ben. Olivia, who is the worst after Mandi and Lace, scores highest with Ben on the chemistry test. Her already large ego becomes a character.

 Ben told Samantha she smelled sour. I feel this is the kiss of death for her.

Later that night in Ben’s hotel room, which Olivia announces “is awesome,” they make out. when she returns to the group she tells the other girls that “if Ben is a big believer in science, I’d be a little nervous.” She’s the wooooooorst.

Amanda breaks the bad news to Ben about the two heavy pieces of luggage she travels with in the shape of two small children but he kisses her anyway.

Ben predictably gives Olivia the group date rose, causing Amanda to shed the first tears of the season.

Ben needs to lay off the hair gel.

Olivia announces that Ben is hers at this point, saying, “He’s my man.” Amanda throws some shade her way. She then interrupts Ben and Leah who are done talking anyway so they can make out some more.

Lace takes Olivia aside for a chit chat and we get to observe two crazy idiots facing off.

Lace has begun talking about herself in the third person as she begins to spiral. I’m thinking alcohol is the common denominator here.

She then takes Ben aside for the 15th time and tells him that she has “a very bold personality” and is “a lot to handle” and that she has “a part of her that she’s working on.” Ben is now legit terrified. Olivia and Lauren H. listen from below the balcony.

 

They are interrupted by another girl, prompting Lace to go into full-breakdown mode in her interview, saying, “the Lace I promised myself I would not be came out.”

Ben gives Lauren B. a photograph of the two of them on the night they met as a token to assure her that he’s into her. Lauren B. will be one to beat.

Amber still hasn’t had any time with Ben, which I don’t really understand because they’re filming all day, how can you not talk to him for at least ten minutes? Seems like bad time management to me.

Ben and Amanda, the esthetician with the baby voice, make hair barrettes for her brats. Definitely not Ben’s idea.

The rose ceremony is intercut with Lace’s breakdown. This is cheap trick becasue we all know that the producers of this show aren’t letting Ben send both Laces home just yet.

L.B. gets a rose but tells Ben that she’s going to bounce, making room for Amber to stay. He might’ve blown that one but plenty more fish here.

Jackie and Mandi go home rose-less and love-less. And the field begins to thin.