Nothing spells romance like the revolving door that is Overnight Dates

This week we travel to the country of romance, that’s right, Jamaica, (huh?) where the re-branded “fantasy suite” dates, now known as “overnight dates,” will take place.

For many, myself included, this is the definitive episode of the series, where all the things that scream creepy sexism and male privilege are presented to viewers as if they’re kosher.

Ben begins with a montage where he reminisces about the ladies, saying that Caila’s fears that she can’t love are basically a deal-breaker and that seeing Lauren for the first time was the closest he’d come to love at first sight and that he looks at her with “googly eyes.” He then says when he’s around JoJo he feels more himself than ever but her brother’s were huge cock blockers.

Ben kicks off his pre-overnight date woo-ing with an Apocalypse Now meets Deliverance-themed float down a river on a bamboo raft with Caila, who’s not exactly a barrel of laughs today.

Since they’re in Jamaica, Ben should smoke some ganja with all the girls so he can see who’s good and who’s bad on weed. This is an important thing to know about your future spouse.

Ben, in one of many v-neck t-shirts, describes his relationship with Caila as, “the deepest relationship I have.” Maybe he smoked some ganja on his own.

There’s lots of “so-and-so and I’s relationship,” throughout the episode, as if that’s a thing. At one point Ben also pronounces “especially,” “expecially.” 

Ben and Caila stop in the middle of nowhere to eat some jerk meat with their fingers while they talk about feelings. Caila’s probably really excited for Ben to sex the other two girls on this trip, which is really romantic. No wonder she’s in a bad mood.

Later Caila does what she does best, attacks Ben with kisses like an over-excited puppy dog. It seems a bit annoying, like you’d like it at first but then it would get to be too much and you’d want to put that puppy back on the floor.

I wonder if Caila is as enthusiastic about other things as she is about kissing?

After confronting Caila about why she was being such a Debbie Downer on their river boat date, Caila says a whole lot of words followed by, “I’m in love with you.” Awkwardly, Ben just smiles and kisses her.

They retire to their suite, with Caila already de-robed and just in her bikini as fireworks are going off outside – an over done trope of this show meant to celebrate the romance being cooked up.

The next morning we see a close-up of Caila’s manky sandals on the floor – another much-loved Bachelor trope, alluding to the sex that’s been had.

Caila tells Ben she loves him again but he doesn’t say it back. SO AWKS. 

Next up, Ben and Lauren have an eco-themed date, releasing baby turtles into the ocean. Ben acts like he’s never seen a turtle before. Actually, maybe he hasn’t.

Lauren, who’s also agonizing about wanting to tell Ben she loves him, let’s him know that she’s struggling being in a contest with two other girls. 

“You are legitimately the man of my dreams” – Lauren to Ben.

Ben and Lauren head to their suite at Sandals All-You-Can-Eat Resort where Lauren finally tells Ben she is completely in love with him, making what they’re about to do palatable for viewers because we haven’t advanced at all from the Victorian era.

Ben admits that he has also been in love with Lauren for quite some time now, then these two huge dorks lie back and swap “I love you”s for the next five minutes which is nauseating.

The editors are really ramping up Ben and Lauren’s story at this point but we all know there’s a twist coming next week so I’m bracing myself.

Just to let you know that these two also probably boned, we get a close-up of the Lauren’s dress and shoes on the floor by the bed and Ben’s clothes strewn about, even though she’s dressed and has done her hair the next morning, while they kiss over their breakfast tray.

“Ben’s my person.” – Lauren. 

Last but not least, because she’s the best, Ben and JoJo get the dramatic chopper ride over the island. Yet another romance-inducing trope the show is known for.

JoJo also tells Ben, in a round-about way, that she loves him and he gives her the ILY back. She’s so shocked she says, “what?” and starts to cry.

JoJo calls Ben “babe” exclusively from this point on. I hate to say this but JoJo seems a bit thirsty, to be honest, which is weird because she’s attractive and has the most going on.

I don’t really buy that Ben loves JoJo but they’ll definitely take things to the next level tonight.

Ben throws a roadblock up in the way of needing to have her family’s support, meaning her weirdo brothers.

“Hearing Ben say I love you has been one of the most incredible life moments.” – JoJo.

Later, they make out in their suite’s extra large hot tub before taking it to the bedroom where Ben pulls the curtains closed on us. Rude.

The next morning JoJo exclaims, “you gave me so much more than I expected yesterday.” Little does she know he also gave the same thing to Lauren. 

Ben says goodbye to JoJo and walks off in his capri sweat pants to do some thinking.

Ben, echoing the words of every bachelor before him, says that, “it’s so weird to be in love with two women at the same time.” 

Calia’s intuition is broken and she decides to pay Ben a visit. She thinks Ben is in love with her, but really he’s about to break up with her.

This being taped is really Ben’s saving grace because I think we all know Caila is the type of person who would want to talk about exactly what went wrong between the two of them for the next two days.

As the car takes her way she completely unravels, whispering to herself over and over again, “I thought this was it, I thought this was it.” The weirdest aspect to this whole thing is that as cooked as it is, the reactions of hurt feelings are real.

The episode ends with both JoJo and Lauren telling Chris Harrison that Ben told them he loves them while he feigns surprise. 

WHO WILL GET THE FINAL ROSE?! TUNE IN NEXT WEEK!