Mayhem in Mexico

Going into week five of this shit show, Olivia with her clown mouth maintains her position as most unlikable contestant while the girls and Ben all travel to Mexico City, oddly.

The girls are being put up at the Four Seasons in Mexico City. On inspecting the suites that have bidets in the bathrooms, Olivia announces that, “Not everyone has one but I have one.” As if we need more reasons to hate her. There’s something so fascinating about people who lack any sense of self awareness.

We’re also subjected to sound bites from her throughout the episdoe like, “There’s no doubt in my mind that I love Ben,” and, “He doesn’t validate people the way he validates me, our love language is reserved for us.” Honestly, she’s a maniac.

Olivia, the megalomaniac, was certain she was going to get the first one-on-one date but it went to Amanda and her baby voice.

I’m just noticing that Ben is in dire need of a haircut.

Ben wakes Amanda up for their date at 4:20 am. Fuck. That. She looks flawless though when awoken, even though she reminds me of a little elf from the woods.

All the girls are horrified at being filmed with no make up on and Emily is sleeping with a teddy bear and possibly a blanky, no one is shocked.

They go for a hot air balloon ride over some ruins. Amanda’s ombré is so Andi Dorfman’s season but she seems like his type.

Jubilee is having a real whinge about not being on the date with him. Her whingeing is a theme of this episode.

The group date card arrives and it has Lauren H.’s name on it. Didn’t see that one coming, I hoped it was for Leah who will be going home soon due to Ben’s apparent lack of interest in getting to know her.

Amanda tells Ben a sad story about her marriage falling apart which sounds like so many stories before it. Ben tries to be all coy with her, telling her he can’t believe someone like her would be interested in him. Okay, dude.

Amanda does that face holding thing when she kisses.

Olivia’s clown mouth makes multiple appearances. 

She claims Ben as her partner for the cooking date, again beating all these slow dumb dumbs to the punch. You’d think by now at least one of them would be challenging her shot-gun tactics. She’s so pleased with herself it’s nauseating.

The girls have to pair up and purchase ingredients to cook later using the Spanish they learned in their five minute Spanish class earlier where Ben told them all he loved them in Spanish which was creepy to watch. Caila seems to know Spanish while Emily can only remember the word “churros.”

Emily Twin is still very vocal about Olivia and wanting to “punch her in the face,” also commenting that, “she literally makes me want to throw up, and her breath is horrible.” This is the second time she’s brought up Olivia’s bad breath.

The best part of this date is Emily claiming that Ben suggested he and Olivia try some mint because Olivia’s breath is so bad.

Back at the hotel, Lauren H. and Amanda are talking about how, “like literally anything we do is going to be so fun,” talking about their upcoming date. They’re both inexplicably drinking red wine from champagne flutes.

On the cooking group date, obviously a really important date because Ben needs to see what skills these women have in the kitchen so he can figure out who will be the best wife material. So progressive.

Ben says he loves to cook and that, “I’m no longer the bachelor, I’m the spatula.” Great dad joke.

Olivia continues to deliver more obnoxious soundbites about her delusions about Ben which I won’t bore you with. 

Ben observes that Jubilee doesn’t seem to be having a lot of fun. Probably because of her personality.

Another choice soundbite comes from JoJo, “Ben already tasted my taco, he loved it.” CRINGE.

The chef judges don’t seem very impressed with Ben and Olivia’s dish, comparing it to dog food.

Jubilee and Lauren “Lo” B.’s dish is the winner. Some nonsense about how their recipe needs to be included on the menu in the judge’s restaurant. 

Jubilee says that because she can cook she’s obviously ready to get married. Well, obvs.

At the group date cocktail party, Jubilee expresses to the audience that she is eager to get the first alone time with Ben but again is beaten to the punch by Olivia, who has absolutely zero shame. Why can’t any of these bitches beat her ever??! 

The producers’ build the tension but intercutting Jubilee’s struggles with the situation with clips of Ben kissing all the other girls. Classic Bachelor fare.

Lauren B. and Ben seem like their thing might be strongest at the moment. This could also be early editing trickery. We are seasoned viewers at this point and we’re on our toes.

Ben has to break the bad news to Jubilee that at this point in time he doesn’t think they have a future. Break-ups are hard after one date. Being a loser on a game show as well makes it even tougher. Luckily there’s a taxi waiting to take her away.

Jubilee is not the type of person who should have every signed up for the show, but this happens over and over again.

Ben has a cry cry on the steps after she leaves.

JoJo attempts to cheer him up and make him feel better with her lips.

In an upset bigger than Trump losing in Iowa last night, Ben gives Olivia the group date rose. Jaws can be heard dropping around the country. 

This pushes Emily Twin almost to the point of a psychotic break. No one is more bothered by Olivia than she is.

It’s a new day and Ben and Lauren H. have their date. For some reason it’s a fashion-themed date. 

Ben describes Lauren H. as having a sense of humor that has some “goofiness” to it. There is NOTHING worse than someone who can be described as goofy.

Lauren H. has never been to a fashion show, shocker, but she’s going to walk in a fashion show for Mexico City Fashion Week. She actually doesn’t look all that bad for her runway debut. Apart from the clothes.

Some tequila shots.

That night, over dinner, Lauren H. tells Ben that she had her heartbroken when her boyfriend of four years cheated on her with multiple girls, securing a place in Ben’s heart for her. 

I actually don’t mind Lauren H. but her Michigan accent keeps making me think of all the people on that Making a Murderer series.

I’m into JoJo’s dress for the rose ceremony. 

Going into the rose ceremony, sadly I feel that Leah, having not had any time with Ben at all, will be going home.

Unless the girls decide to tell Ben how awful Olivia is behind his back.

While the girls are sitting around talking, Amanda is discussing her custody arrangement with her ex-husband and Olivia chimes in with, “I just feel like it’s an episode of Teen Mom I’m watching.”

Olivia is an idiot with the no filter. She realizes that her inside thought has become an outside one and regrets it immediately.

Emily Twin ends up being the one to bring up Olivia to Ben, with the series-old, “if you’re into her I can’t see how you would be into me,” dilemma and expresses that Olivia is a bully and manipulates all the girls.

Olivia somehow senses that Emily is talking about her and becomes enraged to the point where she goes to interrupt their conversation and gives Ben some ring to wear. This reminds me of when Nick Viall gave Kaitlyn matching promise rings for them to wear.

Ben, who’s no dummy, knows he needs to figure out who the real Olivia is. He asks Amanda to tell him what’s up as well, then tall Jen tells him her Olivia experience too. 

When Ben takes Olivia aside to talk to her before handing out the roses all the girls hope it’s because she’s getting the boot. But we’ll have to wait until next week to find out, but my prediction is she satys around another week for the drama. 

TO BE CONTINUED…