Brian and Ed announce a new contest for listeners then discuss Brian’s old ass car and how pianos are bullshit. Ed not only doesn’t use emojis but often can’t even make out what they are. They guys also talk about Brian’s snake encounter, a cuck’s email, the great Paul Lynde, a coach who put his dick in a hot dog bun, Shaq’s history of nude teammate terrorism, candy addiction, United Airlines’ #Leggingsgate and Cracker Barrel.

FanceeSauce joins the guys to discuss Jon Gosselin, the unbearable lightness of being basic, another #BlingRing robbery, Scarlett Johansson’s crushes, Val Kilmer, #FliporFlop and Nia Long.

Brian and Ed remember Chuck Berry, review Get Out, talk about Jim Nantz’s tie and how Shaq thinks the earth is flat, deez nuts, the confederacy, drunk teachers, poopy airline blankets, Ellen, Artie Lange’s arrest (and hair), Tom Brady’s jersey, Robert Blake’s marriage and 69-year-old Rolling Stone Ronnie Wood’s new babies.

Nerd profiling, Girl Scout cookies: Ranked, Alf, Twitter beefs, Arian Foster wants to fight a wolf, T-Wolves mascot injures star player’s dad, Sizzler U, Subway serving fake chicken, Alex Jones vs. Rush Limbaugh, Brooklyn Decker vs. Kate Upton, Ben Carson: slow adult, the Bling Ring and Jimmy Buffet’s retirement home.