When Jon Stewart abruptly quit the Daily Show last week speculation immediately began as to who might replace him after he ultimately shoves off. The lists of suspects are starting to trickle in and most of the usuals are there. Here are some possible successors:

John Oliver

He’s the obvious choice. He worked there before and even held the anchor chair down while Stewart bounced out to direct some movie about Iran. He’s killing it on Last Week Tonight, in case you haven’t seen the clips every website runs every Monday to grab your clicks. He’s the one choice that no one could quarrel with because he’s got the comedy chops, the political sack and the gravitas that it takes to shine in that spot. Not to mention he’s British, but not the insufferable Piers Morgan kind. But alas, Oliver is under contract to HBO and even if he could wiggle out of it: working one night a week > working four nights a week.

Craig Kilborn

Remember him? This guy was the host of the Daily Show before Jon Stewart and was somehow able to parlay his effervescent smarm into a primo late-night gig on network television which he abruptly quit after anointing himself a bigger destiny. Judging from his current state of anonymity, apparently no one else agreed. The show was a lot different during Kilborn’s reign and he may not have the political chops the current incarnation of the Daily Show requires, but that didn’t stop him from trying comedy. Rest assured The Daily Show producers have been dodging his agent’s phone calls like a game of douchebag Frogger.

 Joel McHale

Like Kilborn he’s tall, but unlike Kilborn people seem to like him. He’s been holding down The Soup for like a zillion years and is most defs ready for a bigger stage. Plus, maybe a job on the Daily Show will save us from ever having to be subjected to another “Save Community” campaign.

Brian Williams

He needs a job. He thinks he’s funny. He wanted to host the Tonight Show, and maybe people will tolerate a bullshit artist if he’s not pretending that he’s doing actual journalism.

Stephen Hawking

What sets the Daily Show apart from other late night gigs is that being smart is often more important than being entertaining. And who the fuck is smarter than Stephen fucking Hawking? This guy’s got brains for days. He’s not going to let any politician play it fast and loose with the facts, because he basically is facts. But don’t let the world’s foremost theoretical physicist fool you, he’s also a tremendous jokester. If you saw that movie about him, you know that he wooed his nurse with his wit despite the fact that motor neuron disease had robbed him of his ability to move and speak. The guy’s pretty much got it all. The only issue may be that he’s a bit busy working on determining THE ORIGINS OF THE UNIVERSE to host some rinky-dink chat show.

Adnan Syed

Buoyed by the success of Serial Syed is no doubt considering his next move, and before going off all half-cocked with crazy retorts like “he’s a murderer,” and “he’s serving a life sentence” think about if for minute. No one is hotter right now. Syed went from no-name teen killer to household-name teen killer in a span of barely 12 weeks. There’s no doubt he’s ready for the gig. He’s been on ice for 15 years, so he’s probably patented the 1000-yard stare you need to mix it up with attack dogs like Karl Rove and Ann Coulter and not get rattled. The guy’s got so much ice water in his veins that he’s not even mad at the guy he says lied to have him locked up.